i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I could fuck to npr.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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