Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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