Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
