I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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