My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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