Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
