just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
