Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
