Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
