Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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