Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
