I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize