You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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