i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just tell him i said nine months
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What happened to fro yo and sex?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize