Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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