Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Green mimosas i think yes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
