I puked a lego.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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