1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wear drunk well.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
