who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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