I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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