Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
