I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
