i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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