Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
