the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
