If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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