i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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