Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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