ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
