Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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