The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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