My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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