Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
