My first STD was from a foam party
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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