we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
