He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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