I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize