At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
