I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
