I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
