Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
