Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
