Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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