It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
