I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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