Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
