my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
