All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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