I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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