You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
