I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
