I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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