yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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