This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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