dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
