I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
