I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
