My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
