I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize