two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
