She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
