Pants 0. Shit 1.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
