11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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